PuppyGate: Baltimore Police Drama Goes "Full Frenchie"

Internal Affairs: Now investigating collar crimes, chew toy disputes, and emotional support grudges

Written by: Sam Orlando

BALTIMORE, MARYLAND - In the latest police drama to leave everyone blinking slowly, Baltimore’s top internal watchdog is being accused of using his power… to settle a puppy beef. Yes, that’s not a typo.

According to a newly filed affidavit, Deputy Commissioner Brian Nadeau—head of the Public Integrity Bureau—allegedly went full Bond villain, unleashing retaliatory investigations on officers tied to a French Bulldog side hustle.

Yes, this is what happens when public corruption meets petty kennel politics.

Apparently, an officer’s family sold some Frenchie pups. Someone wasn’t happy. And instead of working it out like normal humans—or dog people—Nadeau allegedly sicced Internal Affairs on them like it was a chew toy with a vendetta.

The Bureau, which is supposed to investigate actual corruption, misconduct, and people who treat public service like a personal ATM, was allegedly re-tasked to manage the Puppy Purge of Baltimore.

In short: taxpayer-funded manhunts over Frenchies. Because nothing says “Public Integrity” like weaponizing your department to avenge a bad Venmo transaction.

The accusations include:

• Secret investigations over dog sales,

• Officers punished for who they hung out with at PetSmart,

• And a bureaucratic power play that somehow makes Scooby-Doo look like serious policing.

  
  

When asked for comment, the department did not bark, growl, or roll over.

At this point, the only thing more abused than power is the concept of common sense.

Stay tuned, folks—because if this goes to trial, we’re gonna need a judge, a jury, and a neutral third-party Cocker Spaniel.