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  • Writer's pictureSam Orlando

Half-Pint Hustle: The Curious Case of a Six-Year-Old Pizza Grifter from Illinois

Written by: Sam Orlando

TROY, IL — Watch out for little Timmy on the playground; he might just be the most cunning 6-year-old con artist this side of the Mississippi. Troy, Illinois, usually a peaceful town located a stone's throw from St. Louis, is currently dealing with a pint-sized pizza problem.

According to the Troy Police Department, a boy—described as being around the tender age of 6 and with the audacity of a seasoned grifter—is allegedly scamming good folks with "buy one get one free" Domino's Pizza gift cards. And here we were thinking kids his age were swindling others out of candy or crayons!

With a southern accent and clad in what can only be assumed as the aftermath of a particularly intense T-ball game—a "dirty pink baseball uniform"—this young entrepreneur claims the sales are all for his baseball team's fundraiser. Who can resist supporting little league?

But here's the saucy twist: not only are these gift cards a sham, but this young mastermind probably isn't working solo. The Troy Police Department says they believe the kid must have an adult sidekick in the mix. It's a slice of life tale that leaves us wondering: why haven't any of the victims seen this supposed co-conspirator?

Jokes aside, authorities are genuinely concerned for the boy's safety. If anyone spots this precocious pizza promoter, they're urged to contact the Troy Police Department. And, of course, should you ever find yourself tempted by the allure of discounted cheesy goodness from a child in a dirty uniform, maybe take a moment to verify the offer's legitimacy.

The Troy police, never missing a teachable moment, added a word of caution: "It’s always a good idea to call the fundraiser businesses to see if gift cards are valid if you suspect any suspicious activity."

While the good folks at Troy PD do remind everyone to call up fundraising companies whenever a child offers a tantalizing school fundraiser, we can't help but ponder the sheer impracticality of that in a world of popcorn tins and cookie dough buckets. As for our pint-sized protagonist, one can only imagine his next caper. Will it be a daring escape à la Leonardo DiCaprio in 'Catch Me If You Can'?

Stay tuned, Troy.

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