Finger Lickin’ Fresh: KFC Launches Toothpaste for People Who Hate Mint and Love Chaos

Written by: Sam Orlando

STAUNTON, VIRGINIA - Because nothing screams "oral hygiene" like poultry breath, KFC has partnered with Aussie dental disruptor Hismile to unveil the world's most confusing innovation: fried chicken-flavored toothpaste.

Yes, for just $13, you can ditch your boring peppermint tube and start your day brushing your teeth with a fluoride-free paste infused with the Colonel’s 11 herbs and spices. Because clearly, the one thing missing from your morning routine was the lingering taste of drumsticks.

Naturally, the $59 matching electric toothbrush completes the set—because if you’re going to go off the rails, you may as well do it with three cleaning modes and a timer.

The product sold out in 48 hours, proving once again that consumers will buy absolutely anything as long as it’s marketed with enough ironic detachment and a vaguely TikTok-able vibe. Somewhere, a focus group is probably greenlighting nacho-flavored floss and buffalo-wing mouthwash.

According to KFC, it’s a “fun twist” on your brushing routine. According to dentists, it’s a fun twist on their blood pressure. Somewhere, a licensed professional is quietly screaming into a pillow while trying to figure out how to bill insurance for ‘fried chicken breath decay.’

🛸 What’s Next?

With this kind of culinary-creep into personal care, it’s only a matter of time before Taco Bell drops a cinnamon twist deodorant or Pizza Hut unveils pepperoni-scented dry shampoo. Forget clean eating—it’s now about clean tasting. And if your toothpaste isn’t seasoned to perfection, are you even brushing correctly? The future is flavor-forward and slightly unhinged—and frankly, we’re just trying to keep up without gagging.